Needs and Wants
by NativeStar
Summary: Spoilers for 4x08. Sam needs to talk, Dean doesn’t want to so Sam calls the only other person who might understand. Episode tag.


**Title:** Needs and Wants**  
Author: **Nativestar  
**Pairing/Character: **Sam mainly. No pairings.  
**Disclaimer: **I own nothing. Just playing.  
**Rating: **PG, gen  
**Word Count: **732 words  
**Warnings/Spoilers: **Spoilers for 4x08.

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His fingers dance over the keypad of his phone, calling a number that's as familiar to him as his brother's. It's gone midnight and he's sitting in the Impala alone. He doesn't want this conversation to be overheard but he also doesn't want to disturb his brother. Dean had used food poisoning as an excuse for an early night but Sam knows he's exhausted.

Still, he can't be long because Dean won't sleep for long before the nightmares start and Sam needs to be there to wake him. Dean may not want to talk but that doesn't mean there's nothing Sam can do to help.

The call connects and rings once, twice—

"Singer."

"Hey, Bobby."

"Sam," the warmth in Bobby's voice makes him smile. "How're you boys doing?"

"We're good. Just finished a job actually, a pretty crazy one, even by our standards."

"Yeah?" Bobby's waiting to hear what happened, but Sam doesn't want to talk about depressed teddy bears and invisible teenagers. "Sam, what's wrong?"

"It's Dean."

"What's the damn fool got himself into this time?"

"No, it's not like that." Sam pauses, Bobby loves Dean like son and he wishes he didn't have to tell Bobby, but Dean isn't talking and right now Sam needs to talk to someone. "He remembers everything, Bobby."

"I'm not sure I'm following you,"

Except Bobby is, Sam knows he's just playing dumb, hoping he's mistaken.

"Hell. He remembers _everything_ from when he was down there."

"_Damn._."

"He's refusing to talk about it too."

Bobby snorts. "I'd be breaking out the holy water if he was talking. Damn boy doesn't know what's good for him half the time."

"Tell me about it."

"Have you told Dean about what you did while he was gone?" The question surprises Sam and so does the sharper tone in Bobby's voice.

"No." Sam hasn't told anyone, no one except Ruby knows anything, and he knows that while Bobby had understood, it had hurt him too.

"Bit of a double standard there, don't you think?"

"I'm not the one suffering nightmares and drinking just to get through the day."

"No, you were the one refusing my calls and taking off on a one-man vendetta against a demon."

_Touché_, Sam thinks and he knows Bobby has a point, but the situation isn't the same.

"I haven't told him because he doesn't need to know and he wouldn't understand." The words are out before Sam realises he's echoing Dean's words from earlier. But Sam remembers the hurt, confusion and _fear_ in Dean's eyes when he found out about Ruby and his powers, even after Sam had tried to explain. He has _proof_ Dean won't understand.

Bobby's silent. Sam doesn't know if he's waiting for him to figure something out or if he just has nothing to say to that, but the silence stretches on long enough that Sam wants to break it.

"It doesn't matter anyway, Dean's back, I'm okay now."

Okay being a relative term for a Winchester.

"Yeah." Bobby doesn't believe Sam either but he lets it slide for now. "Dean may not be okay, but he's a lot better than he was down there."

"I know, I just— I wish he'd let me in, let me help him."

"I know, but you can't force these things."

"Then what do I do? I can't just sit back and watch him suffer."

"There's nothing you can do that you're not already doing, Sam. Just… watch out for him, be his brother. He'll talk when he's ready."

"I hope you're right, Bobby."

They talk for a few more minutes, moving on to safer topics of their latest hunts and when they would next meet up. After Bobby hangs up, Sam sits in the car a while longer, staring at the dark curtains of their room.

He thinks back to how long it took last year for Dean to finally admit he was scared of going to hell, and the year before that to tell Sam how he felt about their dad's death. Bobby's right, it takes time and patience but eventually, Dean always lets Sam in.

Dean's right too, he probably wouldn't understand what hell was like, not entirely, and Dean probably wouldn't understand what Sam had gone through either.

But maybe they'd understand enough to help, and maybe they both need to let each other in.

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Please let me know what you think. I'm participating in mini_nanowrimo and any and all motivation is greatly appreciated! :)


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